Spring Break

So, I spent most of my time running and doing stuff. David and I managed to get the house clean. He did a lot outside and I spent time here and there cleaning and organizing. I also vented and had some good conversations with David. I finally felt free enough to vent about his mom to him. I didn't want it to be something that was a fight, but it was stuff that had to be said. The thing I feel best about was having him ask her about cleaning a bathroom. I've been slow to clean the bathrooms because it's something that my husband HAS NEVER HELPED ME WITH. I know that he really hates cleaning them and I can't stand a dirty one, so my OCD or whatever sends me over the edge to cleaning them. They are a gross and nasty thing to tackle and lately I've been VERY ANGRY about being the only one to clean a bathroom THAT EVERYONE uses. It's not like they urinate or defecate somewhere else. EXCEPT the dog...he's the one exception and that's on Michelle's list of to dos. So, I did tell David to ask his mother to pick ONE bathroom - don't care which one it is and be responsible for cleaning it. I said I will clean the one in our bedroom and which ever other one she doesn't clean. I think that's fair. If she were living in her own place she would have to clean her own toilet and this Ain't the FU**ING Ramada Inn!

Bryan had a really good time in his swim lessons with Dallin. I think he thinks that I didn't let him have much free time to play since the lessons were EVERY day...but he had a week of breakthroughs. He finally started riding his bike. If it was the last thing he did this year...it was going to be to ride that damn bike. He went to ITz...he went to a sleep over at Dallin's house and his mom made a belated Star Wars Yoda cake for him. I think it was too much because he has this bad "entitled" attitude and it's going to get him into trouble with his dad.

I read 3 trashy novels...what else...oh and baby and I took a water waddles class. He doesn't love it but he did pretty good 3 out of the 5 days considering this was his first class.

Finally, my cousin is staying with my parents to dry and try her hand for a third time at rehab. I'm not loving it because she's smoking in MY old bedroom and my mom has problems with her breathing. I'm going to say something to her because it's really annoying me and I love my cousin but she's worn out her welcome with everyone else...she better not take advantage of my parents!

Carla's kids

Carla's kids

How much have I written

I was thinking about my summer writing. Pitiful. Do I give myself a break since I have a 7mo. old at home? Do I let myself slide since my worthless sister in law dropped her 10 yr. old son off for almost a month - who made my life and Bryan's life miserable for most of the time? Do I get to whine that since Bryan broke his arm and we were stuck with the extra kid that I have been whiny - tired - and over all bleh? I still have a few weeks before school starts. I need to go swimming. I want to have some fun. I need to get a break from the baby...that's for sure. I think I need to take Bryan swimming for some alone time with my son. I think I gave up on the writing thing because no matter what ...there's always going to be something I Should be doing and there will never be enough time to spend to write everyday. I guess I have to figure out what is more important live with my priorities. So, I didn't write most days this summer. So what. I got some things done...and a lot of things that I wish I would get off my duff and just do...but I'm going to live with my choices and be happy that I had a summer at all! Now, if I could just take advantage of what's left of it then I'll have something to write about when I have to tackle that "what I did this summer essay". Okay, so I'm not 12 years old - but I need a good story to go back to school with.

So far I have the following;
fantasize about smacking my sister in law
fantasize about flying to the beach for a month sans kids
fantasize about all the things I said I was going to do but didn't this summer

relish the time I went to the hot springs at Mt. Princeton...make plans to do that again NEXT summer. (Make Jackie go with me next year!)

re-read the Harry Potter Deathly Hallows books and re-watch HP DH 1 & 2.

Make plans for NEXT summer - to include but not limited to the following:
sign Bryan up for guitar lessons next summer
sign Bryan up for SWIMMING lessons this fall and next summer
plan to make plans for ways to waste our summer.

Independence Day

This weekend I learned the History of the English Language in 10-:60 second snippets. Boy those french with their beef and venison and pork instead of cow, deer and pig. No matter how much lipstick you put on it...it's still a pig. Anyway, I knew that shpeel but not nearly as concise or pithy. I think I'll show it to the kids...we could analyze the different words that came from that influence and maybe think of some others. Might be fun. Hopefully, we don't get stuck on the Jutes and Angles or the Saxons. Rock on English-ites.

So, today is 4th of July. My sister in law started to tell some of her bullshit about why she didn't want to be with this guy Jacob. I just stood there making a bottle for the baby. I smiled at her and I didn't say one stinkin' word. I was upstairs putting the baby to sleep and to be honest...I prayed about WHAT to say to her. I wanted to yell at her and tell her where to get off, but I sat there looking at my son's baby quilt hanging in his room and I didn't know what I SHOULD say. What I wanted to do and should do were two very different things. Then, this afternoon, I went online and I wrote down EVERY single phone number and address for every shelter I could find. I didn't write down the ones that said no kids or men only...beyond that I wrote it down. I also wrote down the number and address for Peak Vista. Did you know that you can get free medical care and dental care. They schedule surgeries like once a month and I'm sure there's a waiting list but come on IT'S FREE MEDICAL AND DENTAL care. I had to pause when I saw that. My cousin Marci works at Peak Vista she said they're dead this time of year because they're next to a school, most people only bring their children there when school is in session. I think you have to be a resident of that school district (Harrison 2), but I digress. Anyway, David handed her the list of phone numbers and she said she had some lady's phone number in her purse. Later in the evening, I heard her mumbling into the phone. I don't know if she's talking to this guy that she was going to leave or someone else?? Who knows! Who cares. I don't know if she was expecting David to hand her a list of phone numbers and addresses for homeless shelters. I don't know if she really is going to go to a shelter or if she's bluffing. All I know is that I'm tired and I don't want the extra kids running through my house.

I feel like Bryan gets all jealous of anything Christopher gets and now I feel like when Christopher doesn't like what I'm telling him he goes to his mom to get the answer he wants. David told him to go to bed at 8:30 tonight. At 9:00 I shouted for them to brush their teeth and go to bed. Chris argued with me - I yelled BRUSH YOUR TEETH AND GO TO BED. He waited for his mom to come in from smoking...ugh...and she said just do it Christopher. I want to kick this kid in the A** soooooooo baddddddddddddd! Bryan now asks why every time I tell him to do something. He's going to get a kick in the keester and that's fer DA** sure.

Anyway, David said he's not feeling well. Felt sick. Makes me angry. I am NOT going to be left alone to deal with his sister and her kids bullshit. I have to cuss...yes...it's bullshit. I'm not going to do it. I just hope that she decides that this Jacob guy is better than a homeless shelter because I'm done. Oh look, her kids are asleep and she's out smoking at 11 at night. going back and forth-opening/closing the squeaky back door. If she wakes up the kid - I'm kicking her ass, David's ass and her little ones' ass just for good measure.

Her little one was punching her brother because he patted her on the head and she didn't like it. I grabbed her up and told her to say sorry - because we don't hit. I WANT to hit her kids...I didn't say I DID it...anyway, she saw momma - big ol' crocodile tears came out...I picked her up and said - oh no you don't. You're not getting out of this one. I said...say you're sorry and I'll let you down...I got the...huh...huh...(tears, gasps for air, cries for momma)...sooooowwwwrryyyy. Christopher tried to argue with me that he hurt her and it was okay for her to punch him. That little asshole - wants to argue with me no matter. Okay, one more cuss for the night...the little motherfucker. I told him to zip it...this is about her and her behavior. I'm not putting up with her shit. Okay...I gotta quit. I'm gonna have to go to confession for my sailor's mouth!

Anyway, raise your kids to be assholes...I don't care. I don't have to put up with it in my house and I'm not going to put up with it after tomorrow. I need to pray for a cleaner tongue in my head and for the right words to say. I don't want to say something in anger. I need to be clear-headed and do the right thing. I keep wondering...am I supposed to let her into our home. What's the right thing to do here? Am I letting the devil into my heart when I want to say...Lisa, I'm sorry that a shelter sounds like a better option than living with Jacob, but we need you to gather your stuff and leave. Please call us when you have an address or find a shelter. Good luck. Is she betting that we let her stay because of the kids? I don't know if I can take her kids for another week? Is that where I'm failing? Should we let her stay because of the kids. Ugh...I hate it and you know what...I understand Michele, but I want to tell Lisa that she can easily choose Jacob over a shelter and this is her choice.

$$.

So, I got this recommendation about a website for students/adults to get recommendations for books. It's like Borders built a site all about you...goodreads.com. I need to navigate it before I totally get it. Plus, I haven't listed all of my books. I better not get some crappy recommendations just because I went through that darn Stephen King phase. Anywho...


My sister in law is coming tomorrow. I want to tell David that his sister is a scam artist and she's shaking him down for money. I want to tell him to tell her to get the hell off my lawn and don't let the door hit you in the a** on the way out. I want to tell him a lot of things...but I won't. I want him to recognize that my family through ugly times and good times - they love our children more than they love me :). They will always help us out in ANY form the can. That my parents are going to need us when hit advanced ages. I want David to realize that we do for each other because they do for us. It'll never be about

Father's Day and more unexpected news

So, I logged into work email and found out three of our four students passed the GED and to be fair one girl was taken out of GED because was removed from pod and put on a pod that didn't allow her to attend my class. She said she was struggling with math and that's the subject she failed. It was a consequence of her decisions and actions that resulted in her removal, but I feel for the kid. I seriously doubt, however, that a few months in my class can take a student with 4th grade math skills to passing the GED...it's a WHOLE lot of info to cover in a short amount of time and a person doesn't just pick it up. It's like this class is a refresher. You may have learned it in the 8th or 9Th grade and you've forgotten it but you knew it at one point.

Anyway, I've decided that the minute Bryan and Christopher start arguing they are going to be banned from playing together. Today, Bryan started to throw a pouting fit and I yanked him up by his shirt collar and yelled at him. Scared the hell out of him and me too. I HATE when I get mad at Bryan like that. It's not good for him and it just makes me feel bad. I think I'm PMSing and yes, I think some months are worse than others and yes, it makes me angry.


It doesn't help that I found out today that David's sister WON'T be back for at least two more weeks. She said that her ex took the baby and won't give her back. My first question is Why did he have the baby in the first place? When she got the baby back after the last court deal - the baby's throat was so infected the baby could hardly swallow and had to get her medicine etc. WHAT in the hell is she doing letting him take the baby for a few days before she leaves? I won't say this to David, BUT I WILL BET ANYTHING that she wanted to take a few days to go party and say good-bye to all of her friends and then she couldn't find the loser SOB of a dad and then she was in a tough spot OR she wasn't ready to come back so quick so she told him to take her for however many days and it wasn't when she was due to leave so she makes up the story to cover her arse.

When she called David, she was acting all put out like nobody is willing to help her. David was like WTH are you talking about? Jacob is paying for you to fly back and forth for your kid to deal with a custody issue that SHOULD HAVE BEEN DEALT WITH BEFORE YOU LEFT...but ya didn't so he's now paying $400 to fly you back and David's Aunt is bending over backwards to help her reschedule her flight. All of these people are trying to help and she's mad because she's not getting what SHE WANTS. whatever! She was mad because her boyfriend hadn't reloaded a pre-paid debit card for her to use while she was out in CA but instead sent the money to his mom's house where she's out there. David pointed out that she didn't have an address to mail the money to and that's where she currently is and the poor guy was in the process of setting up direct deposit with this company and took a few days. He LITERALLY just started working with this company. She's mad because her mom doesn't have money to give her or won't give her. Another aunt of hers told her that she wouldn't give her money because she disagreed with her lifestyle. Oh, but you have to know that D's sister called one of their aunts and asked her for money from her will because at their grandmother's funeral the aunt mentioned that she wanted to leave some money to her. So D's sister calls the aunt to tell her that she's in the processing of moving to CO and wanted to see if she would give her the money now that the aunt mentioned leaving to her. When the aunt told her no, D's sister started to argue with her about it. David was like...it's her money...you don't have a right to ask her for it.

I feel like I'm talking about a drug addict. When I try to describe her to my parents, I don't know HOW to explain her b.s. and you have to know that it's all b.s. It's like this selfishness. David wants to help her, but he really doesn't want that crud in our life. He's freaking out. I told David that it's his turn to lose it...I'm calm. What his sister doesn't realize is that if she thinks she's going to come and live off of us she's totally high. If she stays here longer than a week, I'm going to introduce her to Carl Arnold. She hasn't met my family. They will get you employment...my mother and father are the king and queen of nags and helpers. If you're around them for any length of time...oh, you're in for it. You will be going to school and working before you know it. About two blocks from our house is Del Taco, Wal-Mart, Taco Bell and across Powers is Wendy's. I don't care if she has to work three jobs to make it full-time, but she has no excuse about not working. Every time I pull up to Wendy's or Del Taco...there's a new Now Hiring sign. I know the economy sucks, but there's work - even if it's flipping burgers she can get off her ass and go to to work. There's a day care right off of galley that stays open until 6pm and you can get discounts for day care if you're on welfare etc...and you know his sister is on welfare so guess what...between my parents, me and the day care center she'll have PLENTY of babysitters available...so no excuses little girl...get off yer arse and find an f'n job. Plus, she has a vehicle. It sucks, but it runs. Anyway, I'm hoping she leaves soon after arrival, but she was already opening the door about how people keep saying she should just stay with her brother, but she doesn't want to screw that up. David said, he's not saying one word to her. He doesn't want her to think that there's an opening for her to move in.

Ugh, I'm done...two more weeks. We'll see.

GED

Well, one of my co-workers who handles the transition services for the school forgot to register the kids for the GED test. I wouldn't know it other than the fact the counselors noted it in their meeting notes how the school didn't register them so this other lady had to. It's embarrassing when we drop the ball because they like to send out their notes to EVERYONE. They NEVER GET our emails but the minute we forget something - here's the spotlight to shine on it.

I'm sure Dan will not be happy but we'll see how big a deal the director makes/made over this...in other words; let's see how much of a sh** storm will rain down on on our boss? It may be only a sprinkle but the wording in the meeting notes was obviously snide.

So looking forward for the next two weeks to FLY BY!!

ideas and rantings

Well, tomorrow David's sister flies back into town from CA. I know she's going to have problems...because her vehicle has a flat and David didn't help her fix it. Dad's going to have to pull out his air compressor and blow up the tire so she can get to a tire shop just to get it fixed. That's when she lands. Second, David booked a flight for 2:40 and Anthony's photo thing is at 2:00. I offered to reschedule it and David's like no, she can hang out at the airport. Whatever. I'm sooooooooo tired tonight. I'm fried. I'm hoping she's in a hurry to get out of here. We'll see.
I always wondered if I could be a foster mother. This week has proven that I don't have it in me. I also realize that the boy brings out the worst in my son. Christopher constantly says Bryan's lying. Bryan gets so mad. I'm afraid he's going to punch Christopher, but my son is not that kid. I've never seen my son get like this with his best friend. I think Bryan and his best friend are more even tempered and whatever Kyle likes Bryan likes. This week, I've watched everything Christopher likes - Bryan hates, except when they're getting along then Bryan wants to like what Christopher likes.

I think the thing that's making me want to rip out my hair is the insecurity with Christopher. I could be wrong, but I think he tries to make Bryan feel less and then Christopher can feel superior to him, but Bryan is pretty confident in who he is and has been fighting back. I don't know how to deal with this stuff. I don't have two children close in age.

Tonight at 10:45, Chris comes downstairs to say good-night are f'n kidding me? He was supposed to be in bed at 9:00 so I don't know WHAT he was doing for an hour and a half, but I snapped at him and said what are you doing down here? Get to bed. I already told you goodnight. Ugh. it's that stuff...do I snap at him...what is that? Is he manipulating me? I'm done.

Today in the car they were arguing - trying to suck me into their fight which was happening while Anthony was in his car seat just watching both of them with a grin on his face. I yelled at them both and said if either of you hurt the baby, I will pull the car over and whip you! I'm not kidding, and I'll tell your dad/David and he'll whip you both when he gets home. OH!!!! I'm so tired of the fighting. I've tried to let them fight it out. I've tried letting the consequences of their actions...I'm done. David had a "talk" with them tonight. He's an idiot thinking that he is dealing with sane rational people...which neither of them are.
I'm ready to go back to just Bryan, the baby and me. It'll make this summer go by so much easier. I don't know if we're going to have anyone over after they leave...I just want to go do the things we originally planned. I shouldn't post this. It's sooo negative.
I was going to look for ideas for the fall craft fair but I've lost the desire to be happy. Maybe in July I can be less annoyed.

Say a prayer - cross your fingers that baby is feeling good tomorrow for his first photo shoot. :)

English Ning

I woke up and realized that I've already dropped the ball on the whole writing everyday, and I realize that life is not going to allow that indulgence in my world. In my head I hear LOSER, but I also know that if I don't get some sleep - I'm gonna lose it and then my face will be plastered all over the evening news...alert: be on the lookout for crazed mother of 2 - teacher @ Spring Creek. Has popped a blood vessel and went on a shooting rampage @ Wal-Mart about an hour ago...she is considered armed and dangerous. I'm exhausted.
I told Jackie that she can keep the whole stay at home thing. I'm going back to work. Check that...I'm running back to work. I need to get away from those beasts especially the six month old.

Tonight, David booked airline tickets for Lisa and Sierra to fly back next week. I already paid for Christopher to take a class with Bryan the following week, but I'll call Jackie and see if Dallin wants to spend the afternoon in some classes at the Station Crossing because I SURE as hell don't care if the kids leave. I DON'T want them to go back to sleeping in their car. Ugh. I know in my head that Lisa is going to be with this guy Jacob and the guy has got a good job working on the natural gas oil fields (rigs?) and she'll be okay, BUT I also know that before they came down here - she and Christopher were sleeping in her FUBAR car. I just hope that she gets something set up when she gets here so they kids have a place to sleep and a roof over their heads. I know David can separate himself from her crap, but I haven't had a lifetime with her shenanigans and so I'm not exactly immune from her manipulation. I can't see kids living in cars. Can't do it.

Kids need a roof over their head and someone strict as hell at home so they have love, boundaries, food, shelter; yet they hate you and move into their own apartment as soon as they're old enough. I'm all for straightening legs and restricting them. I know that I need to let them grow and breathe and discover things on their own. I'm not so good at that part of parenting. Bryan is going to feel lots of pain in his life, and I'd rather him be mad at me than get hurt. That sounds bad, and maybe the Lisa situation is making me over-protective right now. I know he's excited for Christopher to leave that's for darn sure. He's tired of being told what to do by another person in his life.

So, today, I asked Jackie and Jennifer if they want to do another craft fair...what the HELL is wrong with me? I think I'm a glutton for pain. I really am. I need to call Jane and ask her for some OTHER ideas of stuff to make for the fair. She does things perfectly and I can't live up to her standards BUT she makes things that those bitches who go to craft fairs like. I told Jackie we could get together do some canning - Pepper JELLY boo-yah bitches. I'll ask Jackie- but do people like peach jelly? How about peach and pepper jelly? It's summer and I'm craving peaches again. This year, I'm going to buy a boat load of peaches. I might buy two boxes and make peach and pepper jelly? I wonder if you peaches make good jelly? How about apple / pepper jelly? What about strawberry pepper jelly? I'm going to call my mom and ask her. In her day she used to can the hell out of everything.

Bradley Cooper

I'm watching the Actor's Studio and they have Bradley Cooper who graduated from that program. He' ridiculously good-looking. It's like some people lead a charmed life. That's the vibe I get from him.

My husband gave me grief last night and questioned the fact that I'm writing on my blog. Little does he know that I've been writing on my blog over a year. It's not something that I share with him. It's like a very public place to write private thoughts. It's like taking off your clothes and leaving open the shades. Are you an exhibitionist when people read your blog or are you just another nondescript human sharing your thoughts with others? Too deep. I used to keep a journal. I wasn't disciplined about writing in it. I think my fingers move too slow for my thoughts. I have the same feeling with typing, but I'm trying this write everyday thing. I'm not going to beat myself up if I don't make it but I don't want to throw in the towel in the first week. Okay, five minutes tonight. Twenty on FB...it averages out.
Good night.

Oscar Mayer!

What a weenie. In my world I'm surrounded by the extremes. Very left-leaning liberals and then EXTREMELY right leaning conservatives. The teachers and friends from college are on the left and my parents and some wackos at work on the right. I tend to lean to the right in my personal views, but I can't begrudge anyone their opinion. It's theirs to have. I don't even have to verbally disagree with them. I'm allowed to sit there and listen without commenting; I could get up and leave; I could argue with them, etc. What a great country that I don't HAVE to agree with one side or whatever side is in power. This has got me to thinking about Congressman Weiner...or is it Wiener? I missed how he spells it. Anyway, the libs to my left are all moaning the fact that guy is a douch-bag and sent pictures of his manhood to women on the twitter/FB or whatever social website he was on at the time. The people on my left are like Ah-Ha! Gotcha - part of that comes from how the media likes to lambaste the right wingers when they do something douche-baggy. It's like spitting up in the sky. Tomorrow it'll be someone from the other side and it'll start all over again.

It's like when they called for the moratorium on hate-speech. I heard some down right awful things being said about Sarah Palin this week. After the congresswoman was ambushed in AZ - we were supposed to tone down the rhetoric. I watched a teacher at work basically FOAM at the mouth with vitriol over her hatred for Sarah Palin. By the way, here's where I am truly a feminist. I didn't agree with everything Hillary Clinton stood for, but I told my mom I think I might have voted for her. I still would. I appreciate how she was trashed by the alpha-male morons who hated her and talked just as horrible things about her as they did Sarah and she proved them wrong. She's a fighter. I didn't like everything about her, but she would have been the first female and that's something I would vote for. The day that happens I will change my belief that the world is a boys' club and women sabotage themselves EVERYTIME.

At my mother's house...be careful if you speak ill against Sarah...you might be asked to leave. I'm tired of the hatred that spews.

I wish I could say that I hadn't heard about the nasty congressman from NY...wish I didn't have to see that these people in positions of power are pretty much scum bags and WE voted for people like that. Yuck. I need a shower.

Sister In Laws and the kids

So, David approached me this afternoon and asked me if his nephew Christopher could stay with us while his sister was in California. She's trying to resolve the custody issues with her last born Sierra. I think they slept in the car for the past few nights. Of course the answer is yes. I told David I wanted Christopher here. Lisa is with this guy Brandon. Nice guy. Have absolutely NO idea if they'll make it but he's the latest in a long succession of men. There have been baby daddies. This new guy has a job on the oil rigs in Utah and Colorado? Not sure, but it sounds transient and no life for a woman with three children. Unless, she's getting his checks and living off of him. I hope she's not. We'll see.

Her first child has been raised by this lady, Kim. I saw Destiny when she was a baby before Lisa went to rehab/prison. She had Christopher WHILE she was in rehab/prison. I think it was rehab first incarceration second. It's been 10 years so my memory is fuzzy. David and I had only been married for three or four years when this happened, and I was focused on our lives not the in-laws. Anyway, the third one Sierra wasn't a drug baby or anything like that but this one is a real asshole, and of course Lisa just keeps going on and on about how good he is with his daughter. Forget the fact that he's dealing drugs out of this house he stays at and there's low-lives wandering in and out and ALL hours of the day. Forget the fact, that he tried to RIP THE DOORS OFF OF HER CAR. Yeah, the car is totally FUBAR because it looks like someone tried to RIP THE DOORS OFF THE G-D CAR!!

So, tonight Christopher proudly ANNOUNCED that his father is finally out of prison. Scared the holy hell out of Bryan. Bryan was like what did he do? Is he a bad person? Love my son. Poor guy. It's just so not a world that he's been exposed to or can understand. Partly because his mother works with "bad" kids. At least that's what he hears when he hears jail. Also, he has no idea the difference between jail and prison. Little does my son know that prison in my view is WAY worse than jail. Not that jail is a trifle matter, but someone could go to jail for a night for drinking and driving. When you get to prison you're past that point. Anyway, tonight was eye opening.

Christopher asked if he could get on the Internet. I told him no. I'm not sure I want him going to FB and telling his Dad where he is now. I REALLY DON'T want Dad at our doorstep.

Finally, I yelled at Christopher and Bryan tonight. It's going to be a long few weeks and today was day one. It'll be okay.

Really great seminar

So, I went to this really good seminar presented by Penny Kittle. She challenged us to write everyday this summer. So far, I haven't done it, but tonight as I was perusing FB and looking at emails and thinking about what I learned I remembered this website she said was great for English teachers. It's English Companion.ning.com or something like that. I wrote it down - highlighted it etc. etc. So, I was looking at the site tonight after I was finally approved to enter - you have to apply for admission. Ain't it always the case?
Anyway, she has a blog on there and that got me to thinking about my blog and the challenge. I'm hoping that I make time every day. I'm not sure if I'll make it, but 15 minutes a day to write. The only way to get better is to do it. That's what I tell the kids. I guess I better shut up or put up. Does the 15 minutes count when you spend 7 minutes just looking up your password logins?

Okay, one more little note. On her blog about writing everyday, Penny posted the following (it was one more push to get me going):
I wanted to share this list of writing rules that Don Murray sent me in 2006. As you know, we lost him on Dec. 30 of that year. His rules are the rules of a lifetime writer, and so instructive for all of us following along behind.

MY RULES – TODAY Donald M. Murray

1. nulla dies sine linea – Never a day without a line. Horace 65-8 BC.
To write you have to set up a routine, to promise yourself that you will write. Just state in a loud voice that you will write so many pages a day, or write for so many hours a day. Keep the number of pages or hours within reason, and don't be upset if a day slips by. Start again; pick up the routine.
Don't look for results. Just write, easily,quietly.Janwilliam van de Wetering

2. “Write about what makes you different,” Sandra Cisneros.

3. Lower your standards until you can write.

I believe that the so-called "writing block" is a product of some kind of disproportion between your standards and your performance....one should lower his standards until there is no felt threshold to go over in writing. It's easy to write. You just shouldn't have standards that inhibit you from writing……I can imagine a person beginning to feel he's not able to writeup to that standard he imagines the world has set for him. But to me that's surrealistic. The only standard I can rationally have is I'm meeting right now...You should be more willing to forgive yourself. It doesn't make any difference if you are good or bad today.The assessment of the product is something that happens after you've done it.
William Stafford

4. Write to start writing.
If writing a book is impossible, write a chapter.
If writing a chapter is impossible, write a page.
If writing a page is impossible, write a paragraph.
If writing a paragraph is impossible, write a sentence.
If writing a sentence is impossible, write a word and teach yourself everything there is to know about that word and then write another, connected word and see where the connection leads.
Richard Rhodes

5. Write to discover what you have to say.

I believe that fiction feeds on itself, grows like a pregnancy. The more you write, the more there is to draw from; the more you say, the more there is to say.
The deeper you go into your imagination,the richer that reservoir becomes.
You do not run out of material by using all that's in you; rather,when you take everything that is available one day,it only makes room for new things to appear the next... You don't need to know a whole book in order to write the first page. You don't even need to know the end of the first page. You need only the desire to create something that will say what you feel needs to be said, however vague its format the beginning. You need a willingness to discover the wealth and wisdom of your own subconscious,and to trust that it will tell you what to do an dhow to do it – not all at once, but as needed, step by step.
You have to take a deep breath, let go of your usual control, and then begin walking in the dark.
Elizabeth Berg

6. Write out loud. Hear what you are writing before you see it and revise with your ear. Let your voice instruct.

7. Don’t correct error. Build on what works, extending by layering, writing over what you have written so it deepens, grows stronger, reminds you of what you didn’t know you knew.

8. Writing is a visual art. Write what you see. When you are stuck, begin with description.
When I construct a scene, I don't describe the hundredth part of what I see; I see the characters scratching their noses, walking about, tilting back in their chairs -- even after I've finished writing-- so much so that after a while I feel a weariness which does not derive all that much from my effort of imagination but is more like a visual fatigue: My eyes are tired from watching my characters.
Graham Greene

9. Fail.
Writing is built on instructive failure as you attempt to say what you do not yet know in a way you have never said it before.
Fail.
Fail again.
Fail better.
Samuel Beckett

10. Write fast -- write badly -- so you will write what you don’t yet know you knew -- and so you will outrun the censor within is all.
However much the writer might long to be in his work, simple, honest, straightforward, these virtues are no longer available to him. He discovers that in being simple, honest, straightforward, nothing much happens: he speaks the unspeakable, whereas we are looking for the as-yet-unspeakable, the as-yet-unspoken.Writing is a process of dealing with not-knowing,a forcing of what and how. We have all heard novelists testify to the fact that, beginning a new book, they are utterly baffled as to how to proceed, what should be written and how it might be written, even though they've done a dozen.At best there is a slender intuition, not much greater than an itch.
Donald Barthelme

11. Know tomorrow’s task at the end of the writing morning. Let the subconscious do the writing.

12. Finish. Submit. Many have talent. Some begin; few finish.

The field is left to those of us who have little talent and great stubbornness....it isn't "talent" which is so important to a writer....The most important assets, I believe, are those associated with mules – a kind of stubbornness to get it done, to make it right, to make it better, and grit –not to quit -- and even narrowness of purpose,a euphemism for being almost dumbly dedicated to accomplishing something.
Theodore Weesner

Friends of Friends on Face Book

So, while the baby was sleeping and I couldn't, I decided to look at recommendations for FB friends. I wonder who they might know that I've forgotten. There are a few friends that I've never found on FB. I often wonder if they just haven't gotten the FB bite or maybe they got married and I don't know their last name or maybe they just don't want to be found. Anyway, while I was looking at my recommendations, I ran across the photo of this girl that I CAN NOT stand and underneath it said 20+ friends in common. That got me to thinking...there are 20+ other people that are friends with her, but she is someone I despise. Maybe I need to rethink the other 20+ people. Won't happen because I like the other 20+ friends - just not her, but then I thought about something another friend of mine said...who happens to be one of the 20+ friends that we're supposed to be nice to our enemies. I don't know, I'm not a good Christian much less good Catholic, but I haven't let go of old resentments.

Lent is around the corner...I see lots of fish in my future...maybe this is the time for me to try to let go of that anger (?) resentment (!). I've decided to give up the three C's - cookies, candy, chocolate. It'll probably be good for the baby and breast milk...I need another b...oh it'll be a benefit. Anyway, my Lenten sacrifice - cookies, candy, and chocolate and something that I've been hanging onto for too long...resentment. We'll see if I'm an emotional hoarder or not.

Background

I'm not sure what happened to my background and I'm not even sure where to go to find a new one. I stopped updating my blog with any sort of regularity in March or maybe it was June or July. Crazy! Had a baby-husband is getting ready to start a new job and I'm not sleeping anymore. I realize that babies have this hormone that doesn't let you sleep. weird.
Okay, so I have a lot to say, but I'm exhausted and playing around on Facebook for 3 hours doesn't help. Goodnight blog. Maybe you'll get your over due makeover...there's always spring break.

Posting

Ok, so I've been a little reticent about posting since April. I'm going to blame the fact that I'm pregnant and it's been too hot to sit at a hot computer and type what I should be doing instead of what I'm really doing which is NOT MUCH. Eh, I'll get it together soon...I have to ...babies don't wait.

What about your blog

So, Jackie emailed me and asked me about my blog...and I realized I haven't been here in such a long time. March 8Th to be exact. A lot has happened in the last month.

Last night my son lost his final wrestling match of the season. I don't think I will be a good soccer mom/stage mom. He was sooooo close to winning his first match. During the last 2.5 seconds the kid tied him and then was first to score in overtime. I felt so bad for him. I'm glad the season is over. I lose my voice the next day after a match. My heart can't take it.

I'm trying to get my last few credits in order to move up in the pay scale. I have lots of homework for all of these seminars. So far I've taken several Covey - 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I don't feel very effective in the last few weeks.

I have two students who can't write a multi-page paper for their Nova Net class; I have a student who FAILED the GED in a big bad way - which I can't personalize, but it is disheartening either way. Oh, and I have a girl resident who is accustomed to being the teacher's pet and when she doesn't get her way, she has a little Dr. Jeckyll and Hyde moment that makes me angry. I don't like asking a student to put stuff away 3 times and then that student turns on me? WTH? It makes me angry.

So, to sum up my last few weeks:
My son won the first two matches of the season and then proceeded to lose every last match the rest of the season and didn't even qualify for the tournament on Saturday.

Second, I have students who can't write a decent paper and have become the dirge of my existence, and finally, I have turn-coat students that I really don't like.
Oh, and I am supposed to be pre-active and help my students achieve. In order to complete this "training" I have to buckle down. ALL OF THESE classes are supposed to make me a better teacher and allow me to make more money but it's about doing something that isn't worth the headaches I have to endure. OK, enough pity party. It's Friday, and Stamp Club is tomorrow and maybe I just need to hone my creative side and that will lighten my mood.

Found Grammar Girl

So, I'm at work and I find Grammar Girl - tips for better writing. I know this is the universe telling me to blog at work and make it work related. It works on both levels. Who doesn't like a little down and dirty grammar action.

I was reading the tips and I think they'll be good for ME and my kids. I need to get more comfortable in my skin regarding grammar and punctuation. Teaching grammar is painful, but trying to teach the rules...next to impossible. Why learn something that I don't use on a regular basis ? My students don't care because everything is cuz, wat up...it's painful. I get it. What teenager doesn't think that way. I am trying to accept the fact that few if any of my students will ever graduate college, but hopefully, they'll appear literate when they apply for a job.

Wrestling, Hunting and Glee

Speaking of jocks, my son is officially part of the sporty sport world. He decided he liked the wrestling team. His initial response to me was, "Yeah, I like it a little." When his best friend Kyle tore by and yelled to me, "I REALLY like it." Bryan Immediately responded with, "Yeah, me Too!" and then tore off after Kyle. My kid is that easily persuaded. It'll be good for him.

Oh, on a side note. I've killed two filthy mice with my superior rat trap setting skills. I can't clean the traps. I guess that's definitely my fork in the road with someone like Sarah Palin. I'm all about setting a trap; then out-thinking the filthy little rodent. I don't want to chase it down and shoot it. I feel the violence welling up in me, but waiting has it sweetness too. And I don't do carcasses...yuck. That's just gross.

I should add that I found my son's Nerf pistol on the computer desk. I totally get the enjoying guns (fake guns anyway). I jumped up, cocked the weapon, checked to make sure the bullet was in the chamber, and shot my son in the butt with a Nerf bullet. He yelled at me and told me that wasn't funny. I do love the Nerf weapon. It's very cathartic. :O!

Last night, I saw a promo for Glee. My heart began to thump in my chest. Oh, the agony of waiting. It's almost too much to bear...almost.

Good Sunday

I'll be honest. I didn't do much today. I made a few cards. One for David's friend, Ray. And I started one for Ms. Coil. Her birthday is coming soon and I have an idea but I'm still playing with it...anyway, can't say too much since she pops over here occasionally. Other than that, I still have V-Day cards on the brain. I think it's all the RED that I love. I should've been a Harlot in the Paris in the days of Marquis and Madames and all the fooling around in back bedrooms...then I'd have a reason to give away all of these Valentine's Day cards. Instead, I get all jazzed up about making them and then pfft, nothing, Nada. There they'll sit until I get all jazzed up next year. I did borrow some stamps from work. Oh, it's like Christmas in February.
I get to play and play and play...now, I need new inks (I'm seriously lacking there) and I need to buy some Big Shot toys. I need embossers and stuff...more paper stuff. yeah, that's what I need :).