So, I signed up for a twitter account and a facebook account. I kept hearing my radio friends talk about their facebook blah blah blahs. I had NO idea what I was missing. That stuff is like crack - well at times it can be like crack. I like seeing my friends and people I used to work with etc. I even enjoyed telling some dumb ass that I didn't like his lame jokes and I wasn't going to follow him anymore, and I promptly blocked his twitters. That was very empowering for some stupid reason. I even got a twitter back from a reporter that works for ABC, and it was pathetic how cool the guy is in my book for answering a question from little 'ol me.
I also have voice on facebook. I can make my sarcastic or pithy little comments and in a few hours when other people have posted their stuff, my comments are already in the past unlikely to be read by too many people. You can read posts, or skip them or click on the links or just go straight to your garden to check on how your pink dahlia is coming along today or see if you can harvest some chestnuts. it's almost zen to listen to the music from Ratatouille play over and over.
Anyway, one of the unintended consequences that smacked me the other day was that I accepted a new friend in facebook. The gal was really nice in high school - prom queen and all that jazz. When she and I became friends I got another request from another girl from high school. Again another nice girl, but this time I started looking at their list of friends and I started recognizing all of these people from h.s.
It wasn't a good feeling at all.
I realized that some of the people stayed in my hometown. Some moved on to other cities - countries. Our valedictorian is listed as living in Germany...what the hell? I assume she became an opera singer. I remember her saying that she was arguing with her parents. They wanted her to become a doctor and she want to be an opera singer...odd memory...but I don't know...for all I know she became a doctor in Germany with the German Opera...so the next consequence I realized is that I don't know these people.
I didn't go to my 10 year reunion. I was getting married that month. I waited 10 years to get married. hell i didn't have Bryan for another 6 years after that. I must be a late bloomer...anyway, I didn't hear or see anything for a 20 year reunion. So, I was bothered by the fact that I started looking at the friends these two girls had and for some reason I was sad.
Part of me never wanted to go back to that little town and think about those people. Part of me was curious to see why the Valedictorian lives in Germany. Most of all, I didn't realize I didn't care if those people know anything about me or my life. I knew I was never going to be one of those people that believe my best years were my high school days...it was the same way that I knew that I wouldn't care a whole helluva lot about getting older. I have friends that took turning 30 hard. I don't want to be there for their 40th!
Anyway, I was sad because I thought once I moved away from that small town, that I wouldn't care if my life measured up to theirs...and yet, the minute I accepted a new friend who was really an old acquaintance...guess what I did...I started comparing where they live now to where I ended up.I realized that's why I had to leave that little town. I still don't have the esteem to measure my happiness by my own yardstick, but I immediately resort to the lame ass insecure girl that moved away some 20+ years ago.
You can never go home again? Is that the saying?
I decided a long time ago that I like being sarcastic. I'm not the girl in the notebook that my friends wrote about all those years ago as being the selfish insecure girl they thought I was. I did say they were my friends right? ugh, pathetic. Why would I keep that memory? Maye I was insecure to enjoy most of it.
I guess my life has been a series of start overs. I started over after my sophomore year in college. My working career started over after I left radio. My life started over in some ways when I married David, and again when I had Bryan. I don't know if start over is the word that I should be using. Maybe it's merely a next phase kind of thing. Like I'm pulling out of this shell to move on to the next one.
One unintended consequence of my life...I met this girl when I was taking classes at the UofP for my masters in secondary ed. The girl was was from the San Luis Valley and she had dated a guy that I knew in college. He had dated a college friend of mine. It was all very dramatic for my girlfriend at the time. But hearing about those events from Trina's point of view was funny and weird. It's like you get to see the world from another perspective, which in the long doesn't mean much, but it's odd knowing that there is more than one truth out there.
I don't really have a conclusion for my stories, but I guess it's a mindless wandering tonight and I wanted to share some of these thoughts before I have to go face swimming lessons for a 6 year old and try and convince him that he has to stick his head in the water if he's ever going to learn to swim.
finally, I guess tonight I realize that I may have more than one truth about myself.
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