I think I figured some things out

Do you ever have that epiphany and realize, ah-ha this is how I got here? I sorta had that moment this week/weekend.
On Friday, I had a long overdue blow out with my Mom over my Dad. My Dad hasn't been talking to me because of some perceived slight on my part. To be honest, I had a REALLY bad week a few weeks ago and I wasn't overly nice much less polite around my family. My brother showed up at the house, and I really DID NOT want to talk or hang out with them. So, I got up to go. I talked to my brother for a couple minutes, but before I left my Dad said, "That's okay, we know you don't love your brother." I thought, what kind of crappy-ass emotional bombshell was that? My mom gave Dad hell and told him to knock it off. He said it again because I think I stopped and gave him a dumb stare. Like, did you really mean that? This all occurred a few weeks ago.
On Friday, I called my mom to talk - Dad went in for colon cancer treatment today. He's too damn fat to have the cancer cut out so they are putting these radiation things in his colon. Oh, yeah, that's going to be a whole lot of fun over Thanksgiving when that's the only conversation topic with him. And Christmas. And Valentine's Day. Let's face it, when it comes to your parents and their ailments, that's all they got. There's not a whole lot for them to talk about. Literally, it consumes their every day events. I don't blame them, getting old sucks like hell and I see that they have to concentrate on their health. It's a full-time job, but I also see some of the stuff that my dad does to himself. He was supposed to lose weight. He lost some, but guess what, when you're obese they won't do surgery which would be the best option in regards to cancer, so instead of getting rid of it we have to avoid him. If I were pregnant, which I'm not, I would have needed to avoid him for six months. Anyway, I digress.
My mom told me that my dad was really hurt. And for once I told her, I don't give a damn. You can insert my sailor style of talk in there because that's what I really said, but yelling on the phone when you're mad sounds a lot better than in the light of day printed on a blog page. I went off. I should have yelled at my dad because really that's who needs to hear this stuff, but it doesn't really work like that. So, I de-facto yelled at my dad via mom. I lost it, and afterward I felt awful, but in a good way.
I realized that I am not going to change my parents, but you know what, I don't care anymore. If my dad is going to be a selfish ass then I'm not going to feel sorry for him. My mom tried to guilt me with, what if something happened to him?! I thought, it didn't occur to him to pay any attention to what was going on with me, so why should I bother? My mom taught me too well, when it came to worrying about others. This comes from a woman who would not eat dinner until my father was home. She would wait hours before serving herself dinner...it's just the way she was raised.
My brother figured all this out A LONG TIME AGO. He left home at 18 and never came back. I always thought I was smarter than my brother but in some ways he understood our parents better than I ever have.
So on Friday, I felt like I ran myself through the emotional wringer, but hopefully I won't put my self thru it again and again. I think I've had enough rinse and repeat...rinse and repeat...rinse and repeat...